the condom got lost in my hair
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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