Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
