we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
The adults are the big ones right?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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