i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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