college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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