This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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