I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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