Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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