physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize