I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Terrible idea I love it
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
