dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Randomize
