well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
