So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
