i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
