Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
When are your genitals available?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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