All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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