Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
