The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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