What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
