The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
