He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I just gargled with NyQuil
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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