i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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