also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
