sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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