6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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