I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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