when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
we're so committed to being not committed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
