Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
