guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
