I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
i think my cat just said my name.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
