Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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