i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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