i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
