they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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