If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
