Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
