so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
