When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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