burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
