ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
