I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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