My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
