you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize