how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize