Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
