im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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