I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Porn is love you can see.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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