We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
