my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
