I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
