she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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