You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
