He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize