yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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