Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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