so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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