i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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