i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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