He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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