my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
