My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
