We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
