Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
