I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Ketchup is God's man juice
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
