Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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