I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
