this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize