I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so let's talk penis.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
