I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
