I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
