Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
