I love black thongs
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
