We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
