I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
