I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
