I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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