It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
